Swagarithmic Equasions

I have a song on my iPod called “しょうがない”. Without knowing what it meant I decided to find out since I love the song so much. This Japanese phrase loosely translates to the American phrase “It can’t be helped”. Apparently, in Japanese culture the concept of things being out of human control is deeply rooted in its society, perhaps a little too much so according to a “外人” (foreigner to Japan) blogger. I’ve grown to internalize this concept over the years but recently have I discovered the beauty of the fight.

I got a cryptic message from a person I know about 6 months ago or so. While reading through old things just for nostalgias sake, I stumbled upon it. The meaning came upon me instantly *facepalm*. It makes sense now. I know some things can’t be said explicitly. I’m just sad that you couldn’t get a reaction from me suitable for what was conveyed…

My, my times are hard. 

I’m a bit worried about falling into the lower echelon of society.

It’s so hard to ask for support when my family can barely support themselves without me, me, me.

Another time… Another time.

Perhaps we are here due to having no planning or bad spending habits with our money.

Perhaps we’ve been ripped off and forced down this road to asphyxiating debt.

Whatever the case, It’s hard to cope with when looking at things higher than yourself.

That being said, I feel for those “who’ven’t” any hope left.

I beat myself up for not being able to help you, for helping you would eventually sink me to your level.

I am selfish because I strive to be more than what you are.

I’m so sorry.